Ali Hassan

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After four years in Washington, D.C., I am reliably informed that my New Zealand accent has, apparently, acquired a slight American twang.

So, no matter where I am I always sound foreign.

Because he works so hard to have you think of him as a throwback to a different era — especially through his between-song patter — it’s always a pleasant surprise to be reminded of how original Lyle Lovett’s music is. With his Large Band he produces a really interesting fusion of country, blues, bluegrass, soul and rock’n’roll.

(Though I’d have to say that I most enjoyed the beginning of last night’s Wolf Trap show, with the spare arrangements highlighting his lonesome voice.)

I’m traveling at the end of this week, so I paid a visit to the TSA’s website to see what I can and cannot take on the aeroplane. I got sidetracked and started reading their information on service animals. There’s actually a section on how to screen a helper monkey which includes the following nugget:

• The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection.

Here’s my question: if you’re in a situation where you need a helper monkey, how do they expect you to be able to change its diaper? Does the monkey change himself? Do you need two helper monkeys, one to change the other’s diaper? Or perhaps, as a friend of mine suggested, the helper monkey has a helper squirrel to assist him?